True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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