I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
