Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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