Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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