The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
