This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Your mouth is God's brothel.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
