There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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