and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
