why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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