well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
