why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
