3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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