you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
