woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
