I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
