He disabled his match.com account in front of me
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Randomize
