Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
