Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
