Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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