i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
