Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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