So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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