If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Pants are for mortals
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
