so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
