The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He shit in the fireplace
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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