Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
