What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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