So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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