You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
