Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
