WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
