Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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