After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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