I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
