she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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