its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
