I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
