I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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