you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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