I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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