Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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