so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
