this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
did i walk over a car last night?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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