stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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