Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you will always have a special place in my vag
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
