She's JV to your varsity
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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