I heard we made out
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
