Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
