I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
