Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
