ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
