I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
