i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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