Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
