So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
