you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
