I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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