I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
3 2 1 whiskey
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
